Teen Mom OG Season 7 Episode 19 Recap: Bristol's Uterus is a Platform for God

andrew glennon

They're baaaaaaack.

Is Maci going to spend the season whining about Ryan even though she succeeded in kicking him off? Will Amber talk smack about Matt? Will the cast recall Farrah? We have a strong feeling this season is going to be all about the ghosts of Teen Moms Past since soooo many cast changes have taken place in the past year.

Let's catch up with everyone, shall we?

Maci

Maci's kids looks like they're about ready to pop kids themselves which is why I'm sure Maci will be sure to get pregnant soon again. Maci launches into a soliloquy about Ryan and sure enough begins to talk trash about Ryan.

She and Taylor have a tete-a-tete about how Ryan began tweeting at Taylor about. Maci never looks all that shocked by Taylor's statement - like, we're seriously underwhelmed.

Jen and Larry talk about Ryan's statement on social media about Taylor.

Even Larry sounds like he's about to give up on Ryan. Hmmm, did a twitter war just throw Larry over the edge? After the teen pregnancy, AND the driving under the influence of opiates AND the deadbeat dad act?

Maci heads off with Taylor to obtain a court protection order so that Ryan can't get anywhere close to her.

Maci must be so thrilled that she gets to escalate an issue with Ryan rather watching him comply with drug treatment.

Bristol

Bristol heads to her sister's bachelorette party, where for some reason, we get a lot of bonus shots of Sarah Palin. Bristol talks about how her family is so close and everyone lives in Alaska.

Um yeah, that's because you all marry your cousins. Bristol talks about how she's going to go back to work in "real estate." Sarah looks all proud when Bristol begins a conversation about her "platform for God."

Dakota has a chance to talk to the cameras about his history of PTSD while the MTV producers look on oh so sympathetically.

We learn that Dakote had nightmares from his PTSD although noone seems at all concerned about the idea of his sleeping with a gun while he was having said nightmares.

Bristol describes her marriage to Willow which seems really unnecessary considering they're siblings . When Bristol talks about how her marriage has been affected by Dakota's PTSD, everyone just licks their lips nervously. 

Catelynn

Catelynn is still at a rehab facility. It's gonna be 6 weeks until she'll be home. It's funny how she expects everyone to believe that you have this long a stay for depression or anxiety.

Um, no, that's what we call a detox stay, honey. Meanwhile, Tyler has to pontificate about how tough it's been.

Catelynn calls Nova and Tyler to check in with them. Tyler sounds like he'd really like a crack at rehab too when he gets to hear what Catelynn did during the day. 

In the next scene, we see Tyler complaining to family about the burden of Catelynn's depression. He feels like he's losing empathy which he realizes and feels badly about. 

Amber

Amber is all excited about being able to make up for being such a TERRIBLE mom to Leah by really embracing the role for James. Hmmm, not sure about this, but okay. Kristina and dad bod Gary discuss the co-parenting situation with Amber.

Sadly, Gary points out that since Amber is focused on James, she doesn't argue with him as much. We get a short preview of Amber in the hospital room after delivering James.

We're guessing this time around, Amber decided to assert herself about not having her vag on display.

Amber has James at home and looks like she's in really good shape concerning she's got a newborn. 

Later, Andrew gets grilled by one of the cameramen on whether he's going to be jetting back on forth between California and Amber's home. Andrew's evasive response leads us to believe he NEVER plans to work again. 

Cheyenne

Cheyenne is somehow convinced that she didn't expect to have a baby before getting married. Okay, we have to admit, Ryder is really, really, cute. Cheyenne goes out with her family to eat and gets a lecture from her mom on the need to have a partner.

Later, Cory goes out with his friends and gives a really, really, sad defense on how ready he was to have kids, despite "not being married." Um, yeah, you really, really wanted a kid. Cory points out that he and Cheyenne were at the "talking and flirting" stage.

Yeah, that's what they call sex nowadays.

Cheyenne meets up with Corey to discuss their custody arrangement. Cory agrees to pay up Ryder $250/month and take Ryder 3 days a week.

But Cory is more concerned about Cheyenne's relationship with Zach and whether he's staying at her house and spending time with Ryder.

 

That's all for the first hour. Stay tuned for another hour of the premiere of Teen Mom OG...

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Wanna read more about this Teen Mom topic? Check these out: All the Times We Saw Bristol's Divorce Coming on Teen Mom OG (more); Teen Mom OG Season 7 Finale Recap: Ryan Talks Separation, Amber Complains (more); Teen Mom OG Season 7 Episode 16 Recap: Amber Blows Up, Mackenzie Pregnant (more); Teen Mom OG Season 7 Episode 15 Recap: Ryan Talks Babies, Amber Reveals Name (more).

And here are some more related articles: Did Matt Baier Physically Abuse Amber? (more); Teen Mom OG Season 7, Episode 6 Recap: Amber's Shocking Unveiling of Andrew (more); Amber's Already Facing Backlash From Last Night's Teen Mom (more).

A few more: Amber Portwood Lashes Out At TMOG Fans Who Question Her Relationship With Her Daughter (more); Drum Roll for the Sex of Amber's Baby... (more).

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