Jordan - Losing Herself

16 & pregnant

jordanWell it's been a while since we've talked about 16 & Pregnant season 5 girl, Jordan Cashmyer. She certainly took the world by storm last year, and has had quite a time getting herself under control.

For those of you who don't know, Jordan was the homeless pregnant teen last season who gave birth to daughter Genevieve Shae with then boyfriend, Derek Taylor. The Maryland couple struggled to find a stable place to live, and eventually split up.

Jordan stirred up controversy on the "Where Are They Now?" special by admitting that she didn't see her daughter much at all, and revealed that she was a stripper at a club called Chez Joey.

While followers knew that this wasn't a great path for Jordan, her recent tumblr post reveals that things might have been worse than we ever thought.

The post, titled "Loosing yourself." recounts the past couple of years of Jordan's life. I'll LINK IT HERE, but will also provide you with small quotes from the post to help you understand.

Jordan starts the post by letting readers know that "For the past two years i have struggled with addiction. Addiction to so many different things, i practically just used my body as a trash can and would put whatever was given to me in my body." She said that at this time, she was suffering from serious post-partum depression, and was unable to have a handle on her actions. She said that at this time, she decided to turn to the drug Molly and excessive alcohol for a pick-me-up, and became addicted.

After two hospitalizations, and the effects of Molly starting to diminish, Jordan decided to give up drinking, but was still experimenting with drugs. Her next drug of choice was cocaine, followed by Percocet, more cocaine, Xanax, heroin, and crack.

She had two more hospitalizations due to drug related issues, and was still unsure that she would be able to get out of the addiction cycle.

Jordan said that eventually a voice in her head said that she needed to stop following this lifestyle or else she would end up dead.

Jordan has allegedly been clean from everything for 5 weeks now, and is seeking help on a regular basis to ensure that she is not swept away by the addiction another time. She has moved home to be with her parents and to avoid having to go to the club in order to pay bills.

It seems like Jordan has quit stripping for now, and doesn't plan on returning any time soon. She is on medication for a variety of things, including, "ocd, adhd, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia."

Jordan also revealed that she has struggled with eating disorders and self-harm.

She also claims that she's been in abusive relationships in the past. At this point, she's struggling the most with the self-harm side of things and at times can't control the urge to cut.

Jordan ended the post with this comment:

I could go on and on about all the struggles I have gone through in my life, and I'm sure a lot of people could relate to some of them, but it doesn't matter because your past does not define who you are. Do not allow it to define who you are, what you overcome and the person you grow to be is what defines who you are. Make the most of your life, because once it is gone. It's gone, there is no turning back.

What do you think? Will Jordan stay sober and presume a more active role in her daughter's life? Will Jordan fall victim of addiction again?


She needs to get better for her and Evie's sake. I wish her the best.

I totally have a soft spot in my heart and loins for this girl. I would do things to her I wouldn't do to a farm animal. Don't hate.

Wait.... What would you do to a farm animal??

I hope she is sincere and wish her all the best. The road ahead of her will be her toughest one yet.

I thought it was Jenelle for a minute

Jenelle would never possess that level of self awareness or honesty

Yeah you're right I just meant the picture though

Or humility. I'm trying to picture Jenelle trying to write something like this and I think it would be like woe is me, then shift blame, then right back to smug

Yeah, I remember on the "Where they at now" (LOL) special she was like "I'm not even gonna sugarcoat it... I'm a stripper". I could never see Jenelle admitting to that if it happened.

Good for her, hope she gets back on her feet.
I don't want to imagine what that is like, seeing your daughter become a drug addict and sex worker in a bad club. I hope she appreciates their support.

In any sort of club of course but I completely agree. I'm sure this wasn't what she dreamed of becoming when she was a little girl. I wish her and that cute baby all the best. Go Jordan!

I'm betting it will take her a few tries to get sober, but if she only needs one then congratulations. Hopefully her parents also seek some sort of support to learn skills to help them live with/parent an addict. It can be difficult to remain supportive, while not enabling your child

Good point! You def need some skills to become a supportive yet not enabling parent/ family member. You need to guard your own boundaries as well.
It must be hard not to end up in discussions and fights but also to not avoid them at any cost cause you are afraid your child will walk out and fall of the wagon again if you do.

You must be a real wanker to sell drugs to people with mental problems, knowing things are going to spiral down from there.
I never believed the PPD thing, I've said many times: you don't go dancing and partying when you do have a PPD but now it makes sense, she was using drugs to feel better.
Which I do understand cause it does feel ... I don't know how to describe it... maybe like you are already dead inside but your body keeps going on, you see no hope, no future and you feel like you are the worst thing that could ever happen to a child.
I think moms with PPD's actually (want to) leave their kids and have a PPD cause they love their child so much that they don't want anyone to harm the child, including the person they think they are cause they are ill.
They should hang to people who offer the solution of drugs to people in such a state.
So glad I had and was able to accept the opportunity to get help and a safe environment when I had my PPD/PPP's. I wasn't in a closed facility but my babies were behind locked doors at night. That and everything I felt and said when I was ill was and still is hard, but it sure is a lot better then becoming a junkie and have your live destroyed. What I have been through is absolutely nothing compared to that.
I wish all women would get the help the need when going trough a PPD/ PPP. Shit, live is so unfair sometimes.
Going to get the reason I got my second PPD out of bed now, she's wide awake I hear. Will give her an extra cuddle and kiss. I love and enjoy my kids so very much now, just watching them makes me sooo happy, even when they are naughty. I get to love, enjoy and parent them every day and that is such a wonderful gift to me. I hate it when school holidays are over. I'm happy for my youngest she will be going to preschool soon cause we think she needs it right now but I'm so sad to see her go a bit. Just a few weeks to play and interact with her every morning and raise her myself, I'm going to cry on her first day.

Drug dealers don't give a shit what is going on with their clients. Mental issues or not. In fact they probably end up making more money from people with problems.

For all we know, people who deal drugs have their own struggles. I imagine the more successful dealers aren't also using - but I could be wrong.

I feel like you have to lack a moral compass and/or be incredibly desperate in order to deal drugs. I don't know any drug dealers, so I honestly can't say one way or another. That's just my imagination chipping in.

Using drugs, dealing drugs, loving either of the two is such a tangled web of issues and fucked up psyches though. Being a drug addiction counselor has to be super painful.

Correct Jolly Rancher, just like credit card companies

I have heard from the staff that drug dealers even make deliveries trough windows from the (semi-)closed department. Now that is really sick. The bedrooms are on the ground floor and accessible when the dealers crawl over some bushes.
I have smelled that people in the closed dept. had been smoking weed outside. Think one patient sold or shared. He had a room on the outside.
Stupid too cause drugs and the kind of meds you take while there are a very bad combination but people don't see that when they are that ill.

Best wishes for her in her sober journey. Hopefully first time is a charm!

Good on her for the 5 weeks and I hope she just continues on a successful journey. Does anyone know what originally happened for her to become homeless?

I know she left her parent and step parents' house (I can't remember which one is her real parent LOL, I think it's her mom and stepdad?) because they wouldn't let her boyfriend move in with them, and I don't think she had anywhere else to go.

Right, I knew they had some mood of falling out but I wasn't sure what happened.

I think it's her dad and stepmom.

im the worst person because i want to see her on a spinoff. it would be like jenelle x 10. her babys daddy living in the LAX house with the baby was so wild.

it's great to hear shes been sober 5 weeks- but i wonder what she is doing (working a program?? therapy?)

Yes! Click the link in Megan's story, and you can read what Jordan wrote. She's doing lots of therapy and has addiction help, but it's been a long time coming. It is heartbreaking. I hope she keeps up the good work for her precious girl. I was kind of baffled by her 16 & Pregnant episode because she and Derek seemed pretty intelligent, and I didn't understand her vendetta towards her parents. Well, there are some mental health and self medicating issues and it all makes more sense now. Though that doesn't make it any less sad. Poor little Evie.

This poor girl. I'm so glad she's able to admit that she needs help and she's in way over her head. I hope she's attending NA and getting some serious professional help because it sounds like she's been walking a hard road.

Poor thing, so sad. I read somewhere (probably here) a while back that her mom had abandoned her, an I'm sure that's the root of all her problems. At least she is trying really hard and now seems to be on the right path with therapists and addiction counsellors. I also hope some of the other cast members read her story and think about the damage they're doing to their own kids *cough*Jenelle*cough*. ?

I think that's who she's referencing (her mum) when she said she had a moment of clarity and decided she didn't want history repeating itself.
It's a shame. She appeared to REALLY love that baby. I remember when Derek was trying to say that they should let newborn Evie cry it out and Jordan seemed devastated with real maternal instinct. Next thing, she's up and abandoned her and swinging off the pole. It's just sad.

I'm really glad she's getting help and she has five weeks clean. I hope she never goes back to Chez Joey. It's good she waited at least five weeks to give herself some time for healing and clarity before writing this (I probably would have even recommended giving herself even more time, like 90 days but it could be hard to wait that long when your in the public eye and people constantly asking questions) Does anyone remember that blog Ashley Salazar wrote a couple years ago after fourth of July opening up about being an alcoholic and having almost a week sober? What ever happened with that is she still sober?

Heck no shes back to drinking a SEVERAL times a week and still being rude to her followers she wants callie to call her mommy and has broken up and go back together with her baby daddy several times its bad i started following her after her 1st "miscarriage" al la nikkole ironically at the same time she had hers.

I'm not surprised Ashley has trouble coping with her situation, giving up Callie after all but I had high hopes for her. She seemed intelligent and driven to succeed in life. Damn what a shame.

I am starting to wonder whether open adoptions are beneficial to both the birth mother as the child in most cases.
Cate is struggling, Ashley is struggling, Jenelle is struggling. How many success stories are there??
Open adoption can be like a wound that is scratched open again and again to the birth mother it seems to me.
The thought of never seeing your child and not knowing seems horrible to me too but hurting so much so many times seems horrible to me too. Sometimes maybe ignorance in bliss? Maybe a large percentage of birth mothers would be able to carry on with their lives better when the adoption is not open?
The agencies should know by now what kind of woman is definitely not up to the big challenge of open adoption, why don't they give better advice?

Is there such a thing as semi open? Where the birth mother only receives an update and some pictures twice a year through the agency? Just wondering. I think that would be my wish. Meeting is different to me, when you meet your child, you feel that connection and you have to go home without your child afterwards. I just know I would be having serious mental problems if I had to do that once or twice a year. Maybe later when the child is older but not right away.

My husbands cousin was adopted and they have a semi open adoption. His aunt sends photos and a letter once, maybe twice a year. The birth parents send gifts on holidays and birthdays and that is the extent of their contact. I don't know how the birth parents are coping, obviously, but it seems to have worked well for the adoptive parents.

How often is Ashley allowed to see Callie?! It's like every other picture Ashley posts is with Callie. I bet Cate would kill to have this type of adoption.

oh jeez her insta is a mess- she said this nice comment to a black girl that said something about the adoption "Of course you wouldn't. You look like you have 10 baby's dads and grew up nowhere but the hood where women have several different kids by several fathers. Just don't name the next shaniqua or something @darkskin_doll09"

*heavy sigh* I tried so hard to like her

wasnt callie adopted by her aunt and uncle? i guess thats why she sees her so often. shes constantly posting pics of her, callie and the dad with captions like "family" but i wonder what callie knows?? she also calls callie her child. idk seems like there arent many boundaries? Mmhm it's right here. Also got a screenshot in case she wisens up and deletes it, but idk how you people share all that.

I can add her to my disliked teen mom list. Keeps getting longer

To be honest, I lost a little hope when I read this part of her blog:

"So finally now i am with a therapist and a psychiatrist who both are doing wonders. They have me on medication for ocd, adhd, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia."

Hopefully, none of those are narcotic. But if they have her on narcotics for all that stuff, sobriety isn't going to last long. Especially if her "adhd medication" is an amphetamine. Not a good idea for somebody who has been into hard drugs.

i just posted this without seeing your comment. glad i'm not the only one that noticed this

I wonder how much using a stimulant for ADHD (assuming that's what she was prescribed) is triggering to her anxiety... I'd be interested in knowing which medications she was prescribed. Hopefully it's just to get her stable until she can be gradually weened off medication dependency. Depression/anxiety meds also cause weight gain - so I'm fearful of how this will impact her body image issues. I really do hope she's in good hands and can be successful

I just hope she calls amber and they can go to the bar to talk about there sobriety

one thing that worries me is all the pills she is on.
she needs pills to help sleep (prolly ambien)
needs pills for her adhd- stimulant adderall
and pills for her other ailments.
sounds like to me she traded the dope guy on the corner for the doctor down the street

Well, prescribed drugs are a hell of a lot better than self-medication. As long as she takes the correct dosage when she's supposed to take them, I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

PRESCRIBED DRUGS CAN BE JUST AS FATAL AS STREET DRUGS! it pains me to see other people still thinking this. but at the same time it gives me a chance to educate :)

ever heard of oxy? fentanyl? those are the top prescriptions that KILL people. Other opiates and benzos that are prescribed can and have and continue to kill people. I encourage you to research this topic. I dont know your background but if you or anyone u know that is given a script for any scheduled drug, please be cautious about it its dependency and overdose risks and dont fall for anyone u know using the excuse that since its prescribed its safe especially when u may think there is a problem. Ive seen wealthy people at respected jobs loose everything cuz they developed an addiction after an injury. some havnt been that lucky and overdosed. it can happen to anyone

If jordans story is completely true, then hopefully someone will find out who her doc is. A concerned doctor/psychiatrist would NEVER prescribe benzos/stimulants to anyone with a drug history, especially the way she described herself.
Not to mention someone who is newly clean & sober only 5 weeks has not yet to scratch the surface of underlying issues besides the drug use. This is why its highly recommended someone with this type of use attends an inpatient 90day min 1yr ideally in a rehab.
5weeks is still the honeymoon stage. I want to be supportive of this girl but I call BS

She may just be on one pill that is helping with all those ailments. I had severe OCD and anxiety which also triggered me to have depression and sleeping problems. I was prescribed one medication and it helped with everything. In my case the severe anxiety and OCD causes the other issues so treating that basically treated everything else. This could be the case for Jordan as well. I was also a child when I was prescribed this medication so I doubt/hope it wasn't any kind of addictive drug.

Gary's unused condoms: I think the key words here were "if she takes them correctly." If we can assume that her doctor knew what he/she was doing, and they're taken properly- they can help.

There are also a lot of side effects. However, her prescriber has deemed that the benefits outweigh that. Prescription pills aren't something to be afraid of. It's misuse (of anything) that we should fear

I used to work in a drug rehab and was the psychiatrist nurse. He refused to write narcotics for psychiatric issues and most drug programs inpatient and outpatient, do not allow it. She's probably taking Trazodone for sleep, Buspar for Anxiety, Paxil, Zoloft or a similar antidepressant for her depression, and Straterra or possibly Concerta for her ADHD.

Best of luck to Jordan. Staying clean is hard, probably the hardest thing she will ever do in her life. It's a daily struggle, and everyone will always judge you, always wonder if your using again. I hope for her that she continues with treatment and long term therapy.

I take buspar (as needed) for anxiety and it works great!!

Ambien is the f*cking devil..I was prescribed it several years ago and it is a nightmare. I was one of those people that had sleepwalking and got into my damn car..luckily I fell back asleep but woke up in my car..thank god I did not have my keys..I cannot believe it is still given out...horrible drug. I now drink herbal blue teas that help me get normal sleep.

I hate all sleep aids in general but ambien was the worst. They gave it to me after I said trazadone gave me nightmares. Worst thing ever. I didn't try to drive a car or anything but when I 'woke' up I'd be covered in bruises. I was walking around and falling down or running into things. I'm lucky bruises were the worst of it, I fell on the stairs a couple of times. After that my psychiatrist still wanted me to try a sleep aid and wrote me a prescription for lunesta. Which I tore up as soon as I left the office. I've never heard zombie stories about lunesta but after the first two I'm just done. I still don't sleep well but whenever I get frustrated about it, I remember ambien and things don't seem quite so bad.

ME TOO. Nuh uh. Never again. I woke up, got in my car, and thank god my husband woke up and realized I was leaving the house and could stop me. I cringe thinking about what could have happened if he hadn't woken up.

Trazadone made me feel really hungover. I take an old school anti depressant at night for a sleep aid, and it works great.

it is very possible she is taking non narcotic for all those things- concerta or straterra for ADHD and there are TONS of non narcotic sleep aids. lets hope

If her doctors are smart, they will have her on minimal, non-addictive medication.
I am in recovery, but also have PTSD, Major Depression Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and severe insomnia. The first thing I was addicted to was Zopiclone (ie. Imovane in other countries). I was given it at eleven (had severe insomnia from a very young age), built up a tolerance, and started to abuse it by fifteen. After I stopped taking Zopiclone and red-flagged myself at the pharmacy for it, I became an alcoholic.
Because I am in recovery, I talked with my doctor about how I wanted to avoid highly addictive medications (I was adamant about avoiding benzos, and so far it has been manageable). Basically, I take an anti-depressant that also helps with anxiety and trazadone at night. So, it is possible to be on prescription drugs responsibly, but it requires you to be open with doctors about your history of addiction.

Yeah, no, it's called borderline personality disorder not "Ocd, ADHD, depression, anxiety and panic attacks and insomnia"

Or, it's post-acute withdrawal and her brain just needs some time to return to equilibrium - she's only five weeks sober, it's very common to have insomnia, feel very anxious and agitated, experience low mood, have difficulty concentrating, all kinds of things.
The question is, if she stays sober for six months, which symptoms will still be present? Because a lot of this could just be early sobriety and waiting for your brain and body to re-learn natural rhythms about when to sleep, when to eat, etc.
It doesn't make sense to expect her brain to be totally normal because normal things have not been done to it. But it's a resilient organ and needs some time to sort things out. But that's why I don't believe in formally diagnosing her so early in her recovery unless these were documented symptoms before. Maybe she needs some medications urgently, but it's way too hard to separate post-acute withdrawal symptoms from mental illness symptoms.
I don't mean to say what she is experiencing isn't real - it's just as real as if she had all of those disorders - just that she has hope and might not have to deal with them long-term, as they might have been induced by her using/lifestyle and go away over time. She already has a long road ahead of her, doesn't need an additional six diagnoses if they aren't actually accurate.

Thank you for your posts! I love learning about this stuff!

I'd agree with you except for the fact that all of this erratic behavior has been present in her long before she got pregnant, starting in middle school. When it goes that far back and to the point of cutting up your entire body, there's a much larger issue at hand.

Yikes. It sounds like she's still in a bad place. The diagnosis of adhd, ocd, depression, anxiety, etc. etc. is the work of a crappy psychiatrist. Those are just symptoms, and instead of writing scripts for more pills they need to put the puzzle pieces together and get a real diagnosis. It's frustrating to watch someone else go through this. It took me five years and a hospital stay to a bipolar diagnosis. Before that it was every possible combination of anxiety, adhd, depression, and even seasonal affective disorder got thrown in their too. At least she seems to be better than she was last year and it looks like she's at least seeing her daughter regularly now. Hopefully things work themselves out, she deserves to be happy.

Yeah, a smart psychiatrist would hold off on a formal diagnosis for a couple of months... Her brain chemistry needs to sort itself out and return to somewhat of an equilibrium naturally. I realize she might need immediate help, but it's still too soon to make a formal diagnosis. So, I guess what I'm saying is I understand prescribing some medications responsibly, but it's way too soon to diagnose her with ADHD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, etc. if she didn't already have a history of that.
It sucks, but that's just recovery. Most people think recovery is just the immediate, intense physical withdrawal, but it's far more than that. Your brain chemistry has to normalize; while this is happening, insomnia is very common, anxiety is really common, lots of traits of mental illness pop up but end up dying down on their own as the brain gets used to sobriety. PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome) looks very similar to a lot of mental illnesses. I'm not saying that what she is going through isn't legitimate (it very much is), just that she might not have long-term mental illness, or at least not as many different disorders.

Is this for real? Someone please tell me this is a joke or something. I mean Jesus God, Maci! You don't even pay attention to the baby you have now!

Just saw that reposted on babevanstagram and I thought it was a TBT till I saw it on her own IG

The best part of the MTV article is "we found out right after we got engaged."

Sure you did.

Yeah right she would've been 5 months along then
I call BS
She used to be my favourite but she's so fucking irresponsible
Hell, maci..

Liar liar. Based on her due date she conceived early Sept. Either they've been engaged longer than she's let on (which we know that's not true because she couldn't wait to brag about finally being engaged) or she's just trying to make her situation sound better.

wait shes really pregnant in that pic?? like 7 months???

When the first trap baby doesn't work, try for a second one.

Holy shit Maci is pregnant again

I wonder if they'll get married while she's pregnant or wait until after the baby is born. I doubt pregnant Maci in a wedding dress could top Kail, but I'd like to see her try! Either way, I'm sure Maci's grandmother is thrilled that her granddaughter is knocked up again.

I thought she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant!? Like what kinda fucking lies...

Don't you just love when you're infertile and get pregnant twice in 2 years ?

Right. What a fucking insult to people who are ACTUALLY infertile! Grr!

Wondering what her story is this time.
'I think I thought my doctor thought it was unthinkable that I would get pregnant again. So... yeah, I didn't think I needed any form of birth control.'

Congratulations, Maci! Three unplanned pregnancies, wow! You are such a great role model! And possibly having Irish twins! I'm sure you'll have a great time balancing two babies and a toddler with your constant need for binge drinking. How proud is your grandmother now? I'm sure this is the only reason Taylor even proposed because he realized he got her pregnant twice and still with no ring! I mean she literally admitted that they didn't plan this pregnant or Jayde and Bentley was obviously unplanned yet Maci gets praised as super mom? She is so irresponsible!

Omg omg omg .... !!! The drinking .. I can't... Jesus! !

Bentleys not a toddler though :p

Just saw this on Twitter and came on here to be sure. Holy shit she's stupid. This is why Taylor proposed finally. How romantic. Bentley is 7, far from a toddler, but still! The picture she posted on Instagram she's huge. Crazy.

Andddd she's on damage control - retweeted a Bible verse to make her grandma proud.

Did you see this tweet : '@MaciBookoutMTV is a fantastic mom and as long as she takes care of her babies and can afford her babies she can have as many as she wants!'
Uh, let's just hope she doesn't forget to pay her taxes again...

Is Maci really pregnant? Or are her and Taylor just really drunk and mixed up Valentines with April Fools?

Now we know exactly why Taylor proposed lol!

Maybe he's like Tyler? (Tyler/Taylor, same same but different) and because this one is a boy he was happy to put a ring on it

MACI IS PREGNANT AGAIN NOW WE KNOW WHAT FINALLY MADE TAYLOR PROPOSE. Jade wasn't a successful trap baby but this one was.

Do we know how far on she is? She is looking seriouslyyyyy pregnant! I bet another (trap) baby has been planned all along by her. So much for not being able to get pregnant.... Ryan dodged a bullet.

She's due May 30th so she's 25 weeks.

Jayde was born on may 29th of last year. Good lord Maci ain't wasting any time.

And she's claiming to have got engaged, what? Like a month ago? So girls been like 5 months along with that stomach and they ONLY found out a few weeks ago? I smell BS. Maci, your "fans" truly are not that gullible.

She just thought she was getting fat, she even started to drink less beer cause it was impossible that she could be pregnant in her mind probably. She is either dumb or a bad mum.
Interesting point, did she drink while not on birth control etc? Very responsible!

I just rewatched both her 16 and preggo and the where are they now special....

Can I just say how amazing it is that the baby daddy's entire lacrosse team stepped up and took responsibility to help raise the baby? I just find that to be remarkable for a group of young college guys to step up to the plate like that. Bravo to them and their parents.

I wish the downvote bandit would reveal him/herself in an angry rant or something

Didn't Debra do that on the last post?

I feel like it's every post. Like who tf could be mad about this one? Jordan has retweeted every article about her and some of the downvoted comments are supportive of her

As someone who has struggled with self injury for over 11 years, it breaks my heart to think about anyone else doing. I've never had any drug-related issues in my life, but the feeling of "needing" to self harm is the closest I can come to imagine addiction. I wish her the best, for her and her child's sakes.