Teen Mom OG Episode 4 recap: Ryan's Parents Say They're Not Stupid?!?!

andrew glennon

On tonight's episode of Teen Mom OG, life moved on as we saw Maci continuing to deal with the aftermath of Ryan's drug usage and Amber pick up the pieces of her life after her mega breakup with Matt.

Wants the juicy details? Read on to find out more.

Amber

Amber heads off to have her eyelashes done and complains about Matt at her appointment. Did everyone know that someone like Amber could afford to have her eyelashes tinted? In any case, Amber's mom winds up listening to her continuing chatter about considering getting back together with Matt. All of us who have kids were barfing in our mouths a little at the idea of having to listen to our daughter prattle on about how she might considering getting back together with such a jerk.

In any case, Amber also brings up the idea of starring on 'Marriage Bootcamp' with Matt. Nothing like a little more reality TV to seal the door to the coffin on someone's relationship.

Clearly Amber's mother had the same thought since she questions this idea. Amber, however, like the time-honored reality star she is responds, "It's just a show, mom." Just a show, indeed.

Amber then visits her "boo-boo" with a head wrap on that could rival older Sophia Loren only given that she's a down on her luck teenage mother, only makes her look that much more ridiculous.

Later, Gary is cooking up some shifty meats on a grill and talking about how he's concerned about Leah spending time with Matt and Amber after they return from marriage bootcamp.

You know you've hit rock bottom when your ex who looks and acts like Gary is talking about how you need to "focus on yourself." Can we just ask everyone out there, again, HOW DID THIS GUY MANAGE TO GET LAID IN HIGH SCHOOL??!!!

Maci

Since Maci has continued to be pestered by the utterly delusional Ryan on the custody arrangement for Bentley, Maci decides to have her lawyer send Ryan some papers on their current agreement.

Seems as if undergoing rehab and getting off drugs has actually left Ryan somewhat psychotic since he seems to think that questioning the custody arrangement he has with Maci is a good idea and he actually has some leverage, here.

WRONG, buddy! Nearly killing yourself and others while driving under the influence then getting treatment so that you don't actually put others at risk in the future does not a good father make in the eyes of the law.

Meanwhile, Maci goes out with Tyler and Bentley for some ice cream after Bentley's baseball game and discusses her own baseball hall of fame that got disrupted by her teenage pregnancy.

We're impressed she decided to be so honest considering her statement comes out like, "I was about to be someone, honey, except I got all shacked up with your sad dad." Bentley doesn't seem to put two and two together, however.

Anyone else having too easy a time picturing Bentley being a teenager father.

Later, Ryan discusses his ongoing recovery with a friend and Mackenzie. He's still seeing a counselor (we would hope) but also awaiting this "lea-tter" that he's about to get from Maci about his visitation rights with Bentley.



For some reason, Ryan seems to think that it was Maci's responsibility to "hea-lp me out" with Bentley.

It's really not clear why Ryan seems to think that his mental health, especially AFTER he and Maci broke up, was Maci's responsibility.

Maci then speaks with her friends about what an idiot Ryan is. Interestingly, based on how articulate Ryan is on the phone, Maci is able to decipher that Mackenzie must be putting together his texts.

Maci then proceeds to read her own texts, which sound like something she put together after looking up numerous words in a thesaurus. Maci calls Ryan's bluff on his threats to pursue legal action.

Ryan's parents then get some screen time and talk about how grateful they are to be able to understand "every word that Ryan says on the phone." Oh boy.

Talk about appreciating life's small wonders. Now that Ryan isn't always slurring his words, Ryan's parents are convinced that he's not going to die.

Ryan's parents decided to announce to the world that they "aren't stupid and aren't naive." OH MY GAWD.

Yes, they really said this. Ryan's parents have identified Ryan's "tree-ggers," and apparently Jen and Bentley are "tree-gers." Ryan's parents also make a point to note that "Ryan is ALL we have." Sad, so sad.

Soon, Ryan has a chance to sit down and talk to his lawyer. who appears to be the voice of reason since he says verbatim, "What have you been doing for the last 7 years that you are just now questioning the custody agreement for Bentley." OH MY GAWD. Yes, he just took the words right out of a million audience members mouths today.

The lawyer then goes on to ask Ryan what he was using. Heroin, yes, he just said heroin.

The lawyer's intelligence quickly deteriorates, however, when he says that Maci is "hiding behind [Ryan's] rehab thing." Not the best choice of words, buddy.

The lawyer also manages to put the more obvious stuff out there, "I'm hoping you're going to pass the drug screens," although, naturally, this sounds like news to Ryan based on the uptick in his voice when he says, "Yes." Sounded more like a "yes?" to us.

Farrah

Farrah is going on a trip and talks to Sophia about how she's going to be leaving. Naturally, when she asks Sophia if she's going to be nervous without her, Sophia's like, "Not really..." We have to say, this is probably the first time that we've seen a kid on Teen Mom take the words right out of our mouths 'cause we wouldn't miss Farrah much either if she were to leave us alone for a few days.

For some reason, Farrah seems to think that if Sophia plays hide-and-seek with her father, they'll lose her and won't be able to produce her when Farrah comes a'lookin' for her. Um, no honey, that's just you.

Later, Farrah is moving something causing all of us to wonder at how much bigger her butt has become in the last few months.

Farrah visits all of her businesses and checks in with all of her employees. Apparently, all of them know that Farrah is such a narcissist because they all hug her and tell her how grateful they are for their jobs.

Farrah then goes over house rules with Sophia since she clearly thinks that she's at a major flight risk and likely to be kidnapped.

We're impressed that Farrah believes she takes such good care of Sophia as to not have put her risk all of these many years that she's been running around making porn and virtually ignoring her child.

Farrah's father himself has advice for Farrah about "going out of the country." We're starting to think this is a family that considers Barbados an exotic destination.

Boo-boo is the pet name for your child du jour, on this show, because Sophia also operates under this moniker. BTW, why does Farrah call her father by his first name?! In other jacked up relationships, Deborah heads out to shop with her friend for hats.

Deborah is taking the act of looking 20 years younger a little to far as evidenced by her choice of hats for her screen time tonight.

It's so entertaining we miss everything she has to say about her ongoing drama with Farrah.

Later, Farrah goes out for food with Amy and Michael and brings up her dramz with Deborah then quickly chastises Michael and Amy for responding to her.

Amy then proceeds to tell Farrah "how lucky [she] is to have Farrah." Did Farrah hold everyone on tonight's episode at gunpoint and tell them they had to tell her how grateful they are to her? It only takes Farrah a few second to break down and start crying after Amy tells her she cares about her.

Shockingly, we did feel a little sorry for Farrah in that moment since it's clear that she was raised by a narcissist.

Catelynn

Catelynn and Tyler are still obsessing over their clothing business and waiting for their website to go live.

These two are keeping up REALLY good charade pretending that someone else hasn't put together this ENTIRE business for them and just given them a small proceed.

But, we have to admit, this business is a great way for them to occupy some screen time since NOBODY wants to see a teen mom having a relationship that isn't a TRAINWRECK.

Tyler and Catelynn are already having issues since they had NO IDEA that so many people would come to their website and they underestimated the size of the traffic they would get.

Apparently, their website crashed the minute it went live.

It's not clear if these issues are all totally made up since we find it bizarre that someone who has been on MTV for so many years would underestimate the size of a captivated audience.

Like any good borderline personality, Catelynn then heads off to see her horses that she likes to ride and manages to complain about her website's recent issues with the trainer at the farm.

They're all there to get some R&R, honey, nobody wants to here about your startup's issues. Nothing like reality TV to cultivate a good narcissist.

When Catelynn gets back she finds out that Tyler has had to cope with their website also being under cyber attack. Sadly, even with their social media following, these two have only managed to hit 50 orders.

Next, Tyler and Catelynn go out on a boat in some slightly less murky waters (we have no IDEA where they are, actually) and talk for the millionth time about how their site was down.

That's all folks. Stay tuned until next time...

Wanna read more on this? Check these out: Teen Mom OG Season 7, Episode 6 Recap: Amber's Shocking Unveiling of Andrew (more); Drum Roll for the Sex of Amber's Baby...

(more); You'll Never Believe What Amber Is Naming Her Son (more); Teen Mom OG, Season 7, Episode 2 Recap: Find Out How Matt Lost Amber $120,000 (more).

And here are some more related articles: Amber May Be In For A Tough Year (more); The Teen Mom Stars Respond to Amber's Pregnancy (more); The Real Reason Amber is Pregnant Updated (more).

A few more: The Real Reason Amber Is Pregnant Now? (more); Is Amber Portwood Pregnant? And The Baby-Daddy Is? (more).

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